Saturday 30 May 2015

"Being Lonely" v/s "Being Alone"


When we strongly believe in something, from deep within, and our loved ones do not seem to agree with us,  understand us, or encourage us, how do we feel?

Dejected... Let down.... saddened.... lost... 
It may even feel like the end of the world.

At times we just accept it, though with some degree of resignation which we smartly cover up and hide the hurt in the deep recesses of our subconscious. We are somewhere desperately hoping that at least one of them will say, I believe in you, go ahead.

How many of us have gone through such experiences at some point in life, to different degrees of intensity though? These are testing moments. 

We need to check at that time what are we really feeling, by asking a simple question, “Am I feeling lonely, or am I feeling alone?”

Though sounding similar, their meaning is totally different. Understand the distinction between ‘Being Lonely’ and ‘Being Alone’.

‘Being Lonely’ is loneliness. It is the absence of a loved one, absence of someone we can trust and depend upon, someone we love and who loves us, or simply the absence of their support. One can possibly be with everyone and yet be lonely.

‘Being Alone’ is being by oneself. It is the presence of oneself. An overwhelming presence, an enriching presence, creative presence, an overflowing divine presence. It is THE presence to experience.

It brings inner growth, and thereby one’s evolution. It is in this presence that we experience LIFE, experience being really fulfilled, healed, and complete. We experience the oneness of everyone and everything inside us. This presence empowers us to live with dignity the life we choose. It makes us truly come alive.

Many years ago, I had planned to go to Vaishno Devi temple in Jammu, along with Anu, my friend who lives in Delhi. I went from Mumbai to Delhi, and Anu's son suddenly fell very ill. It was really not possible for her to travel with me, leaving him behind. I did not want to cancel my trip, so I decided to go ahead alone. 

Two of my main fears in life have been fear of darkness, and fear of being alone. Yet surprisingly, these fears did not stop me from going ahead alone.

As I look back, that was a very testing phase of my life, where I was even challenging the presence of God. I firmly believed there is a creator, there is God, but is that God there for me had become a big question mark for me. I was absolutely exhausted experiencing insecurity and humiliation from my spouse. One day I even said to God, “If you are really there for me, give me some clear signal. I need to experience your presence.”

Having reached Jammu, I started the trek in the evening and reached the temple at midnight, meeting such wonderful people on the way that I did not even realize I was alone and that too at night. When I reached the temple, I had the most beautiful darshan. This temple is thronged by people 24x7. And in that very busy temple, I got the opportunity to be inside all by myself for a complete 10 minutes. Not one person walked in. It was as if someone had pressed a pause button. I think for the first time in my life, I could really experience the presence, divinity, oneness, the purity, the being. Those moments were magical. I felt so completely secure, protected and provided. As I stepped out of the temple, I just sat on the steps and cried. These were tears of immense joy. My faith in God, a higher power got reinstated.

Back in Mumbai, someone said she admired my guts, and I realized that I myself did not know I had these guts. I simply surrendered and trusted the universe. I had literally been pushed by the universe to go beyond my self-inflicted fears. 

The irony is that I felt lonely and insecure in my own house, and I experienced security and oneness in that faraway place. I experienced the presence of myself. I was truly experiencing ‘Being Alone’. 

This became a major turning point in my life, my first step to transform from ‘Being Lonely’ to ‘Being Alone’. As I got to experience the real ME, it was truly liberating. I reclaimed my own powers. I was in bliss.

To experience ‘Being Alone’, one does not have to start living alone. However, in life whenever you experience ‘Being Lonely’, remember to transform that into ‘Being Alone’ and reclaim your powers.

8 comments:

  1. Very well written Rita Mam. You have illustrated your experience so beautifully. Greatly said...that one should take steps from being lonely to being alone...and reclaim powers...however, Mam I feel there are many people including me who have fear of being alone as well. Though this was a feeling some years back however, rightly said...I now enjoy being alone and there are times when I only let people enter my space when they are sweeter than my solitude! :)

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  2. Very well written Rita Mam. You have illustrated your experience so beautifully. Greatly said...that one should take steps from being lonely to being alone...and reclaim powers...however, Mam I feel there are many people including me who have fear of being alone as well. Though this was a feeling some years back however, rightly said...I now enjoy being alone and there are times when I only let people enter my space when they are sweeter than my solitude! :)

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  4. Preah, it's true every human being has fear of being alone, but how many would like to admit it. We run away from ourselves. We don't want to confront our own truth so that we can continue believing in the image we have created for us.
    But it's also true that we use our fears conveniently. What we really want to do, we take a stand, and when we have some self-doubt, we hide behind our fear.
    When we are alone, there are more chances of our masks falling. And we don't like that.
    What we don't realise is that behind these masks is the real YOU, with all its powers and splendour.

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  5. This is a very interesting read...it happens so often to me. And I know that I have been through both, being alone n being lonely. Although I have been lonely longer than I have been alone, or so I think. Especially being lonely midst a crowd of people, I know is something I was feeling way too often in the past few months. However, in the last few weeks I have been forced to spend time alone, due to ill health, and I have started enjoying it. It's an exhilarating feeling to be alone, with yourself and your own thoughts. I do meet people n am around them most of the day, but their absence affects me less now. Being alone would be scary initially coz I would start thinking of all that wrong in my life n all that's missing. But now, being alone gives me time to work on areas of my life that need attention n entertain myself by myself. It makes me feel less dependent on external factors for my happiness n peace of mind. Being alone is certainly powerful n beautiful too :)

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