MINDFULNESS OF HOLDING THE SPACE

Wishing my mom on her 80^th birthday when I hugged her, she softly whispered in my ear, “You have taken such good care of me all these years. I got much more than I could have asked for, and I feel truly contented. I thank you and bless you with the best of everything. And today I declare that this year I am ready to go to daddy (my dad had passed away many years ago).”

That moment took me through a roller-coaster of emotions. How I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t talk like that especially on her birthday! But as I looked at her face, all I could see there was sheer joy, peace, fulfillment, and excitement of a teenager to go and be with her love. She did not say that she was tired of her ailing health, in spite of the fact that she had been having major health issues for several years and was often in immense pain. But she was not talking of running away from life. Instead she had created a destination for herself that felt exciting to her. What a level of acceptance and awareness! 

I told myself, "Simply take over the role of holding the space for her?" 

Being accustomed to holding the space for my Life Coaching clients, I am aware what an incredibly profound experience it is. I had to now operate from a space of being Neutral, Empathetic, and Non-judgmental. With mindful awareness I had to just trust and respect mom's choices for her own life, and offer her selfless providing. 

A few weeks later mom had a sudden fall at home, and had to be hospitalized. The ensuing months saw her go through considerable pain and it was undeniably a testing phase in our lives.

Holding the space for mom took my experience of holding space to an all new level. My attachment to her and our relationship dynamics were often throwing at me some challenging moments. Hence simultaneously holding space for my own self became imperative and my self-care had to be consistently focused on. I must admit here that I experienced umpteen weak moments, but it also brought in significant transformation in me. 

The role of holding the space is simply Phenomenal.

In that empowering space of oneness, mom and I had some of the most beautiful conversations. She seemed to be completing everything to the last dot. While she was sharing with me all her thoughts and dilemmas, I was also witnessing a remarkably high level of evolvement in her during this time. She developed an incredible amount of acceptance and understanding, and seemed to have become an epitome of justice and fairness. This indeed was an all new side to her.

I am so in gratitude to her for being instrumental in providing me this Profound Life Experience. 

Precisely 9 months later, she suddenly developed an excruciating pain in her leg and had to undergo an immediate surgery late in the night. Surgery was successful, however a few hours later she started having multiple organs failure. Doctors informed us that her body was giving way.

However much we may think we have prepared ourselves for the eventuality, yet are we ever really prepared?

Well it was time to bid our final goodbye to mom and let her go peacefully. I sat next to her bed in the ICU, again silently holding the space for her. Sometimes those last few steps of moving out of this body may not be easy for the person. At that time what they need is a good amount of energy and support, and one of the best ways to provide that is by simply holding the space for them. 

My eyes glued to the monitor machine showing her readings, I was noticing how her blood pressure was dropping gradually. When it went below 50, I panicked momentarily. I literally watched her pressure go to 40, 30, 20, 10, 0…….. and then the stillness….

What I had just witnessed was the most amazing aspect of Death. 
It had shown up as a Graceful Completion, Renewal, and Merging with the Whole.

This was indeed a striking glimpse of life and death as the two sides of the same coin where one does not have a presence without the other.

I came out of the ICU in awe of the absolute presence that I had just experienced.

In that space, there is only I AM.

There is complete oneness, and there is no other. Everyone is a part of us, a part of I AM. Everything is beyond the created and perceived narratives of our limited minds. Once we experience that, we realize that the thoughts we keep thinking about are but a mirage. In fact they are a mere projection of our own minds attempting to superimpose our Core Essence, and often doing a good job of it simply because we allow ourselves to be hijacked.

This was a great learning of the distinction between actually experiencing something and knowing it as a concept.

Death indeed is a moment of transition, as is birth. Holding space for a person in these moments and any other delicate moments or challenging moments of life can be highly transformational for the person as well as for oneself.

This has been one of the most defining moments in my life.

Sitting there in the ICU, I actually felt as if I was holding mom's hand throughout in this transitional journey of hers, till she bid adieu to this incarnation of hers for this life time. I am falling short of words to express what exactly that experience felt like.

There is no limit to what can become possible for all involved when one is holding space for the other. This seemingly ORDINARY ACTION has the potential to create EXTRAORDINARY OUTCOMES, that can include:

Healing  

Transformation

Evolvement

Expansion

Merging with the source

Miracles

Self-awareness

Enlightenment

Oneness   

Holding space for the other is something we all may be doing at some point in our life, probably without even realizing it. Though it may seem there is no specific technique required here, yet we need to be aware that it is a proper science. It takes a good amount of practice with responsible and committed handling. 

In an effective holding of space, one's Energy Field expands to include the other person as a part of us, extending Completely Unconditional and Unsolicited support to the person. 

Playing the role of a Catalyst, one is apparently not doing anything and yet doing everything. 

In the unsaid, one is giving consent to Unconditionally Co-create along with the other, while being a silent witness to what is.

Listed below are some guidelines broadly summed up for people who would like to consciously practice holding the space:

Being in a state of complete surrender.

Being in the other person’s world.

Being non-judgmental and empathetic.

Letting go of our controls.

Being present to what is, beyond our thinking mind.

Being in mindful awareness.

Being willing to accept the other in the space beyond right or wrong, good or bad.

Creating a space in which the person feels safe, like in a mother’s womb.

Connecting at a deeper level with the person as well as with oneself.

Trusting and respecting the other person’s choices for their own life.

Being judicious in giving suggestions.

Offering selfless providing.

Taking good self-care.

While we cannot let our emotions overpower us at any time, we also need to have a deep listening to the other beyond the spoken words. “People start to heal the moment they feel listened to… Cheryl Richardson”

It is indeed a privilege and blessing when one gets the opportunity of holding the space for someone. What an enlightening experience it is....

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